An old boy assures me that the following are real howlers found in job application letters/resumes. After each gaffe, there’s a remark from the selectors’ panel…
(current and ex-pupils, pay attention)
Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest
convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."
That's what we're afraid of ...
Resume: "It is my professional objective to obtain a position which
allows me to make use of my commuter skills."
I think we can oblige.
Weaknesses: "Suffer from prickly heat in summer."
Sounds uncomfortable.
Cover letter: "Enclosed is my resume for your viewing pleasure."
We can hardly wait.
Cover letter: "You are privileged to receive my resume."
We'll try not to let it go to our heads.
Objective: "To mature in the field of human behavior."
Good luck with that.
Experience: "10 years of experience in financial budgiting and
transactions rigistering."
But limited experience with the spell-check function.
Cover letter: "Please overlook my resume."
If you insist.
Cover letter: "I am submitting the attached copy of my resume for your
consumption."
Yum.
Skills: "Grate communication skills."
Yes, but can you talk and chop at the same time?
Experience: "Responsibilities included recruiting, screening,
interviewing and executing final candidates."
Seems kind of harsh ...
Cover letter: "Salary demanded - $65,000."
Would you like that in small, unmarked bills?
Strengths: "Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
Would that be Mozart or Beethoven?
Education: "B.A. in Loberal Arts."
Did you minor in ear piercing?
Cover letter: "I've updated my resume so it's more appalling to
employers."
We're pretty shocked already ...
Cover letter: "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the
two are usually inseparable."
Glad to hear it.
Cover letter: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels,
and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
At these extremes, some things are best left unsaid.
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4 comments:
This one is delicious, Suvro da. The responses to the howlers are priceless. The 'yum' makes the top of the list in terms of sheer brevity - although some others have brought the tears.
I've heard of some terrible gaffes but the one that doesn't sound real is the one where a certain somebody applying to the position of Assistant Professor, let it be known that she would love to work at such-and-such university because of such-and-such reasons. The only problem was that she got the name of the university wrong. That should be the quiet end of the story, right? But no. The unreal bit is that she not only got invited for an interview but she also got the job. I don't know what the moral of the story is.
I read one excerpt of a cover letter some days ago on the net somewhere: Hoping to hear from you shorty...
Its absolutely hilarious to see that we make such deplorable errors while trying to master a language that most of us would so like to flaunt.
With each new day i hear so many apparently "well educated" adults make such appalling boo-boos when it comes to writing, or for that matter, speaking a language that they always chose over and above their mother tongue, while proudly proclaiming the fact that "are not very good" when it comes to their own native language...
Well,saying the least, i had one of my trainees tell me that he was very "technological"... while my boss the other day at work, nonchalantly said "let us now feast on the boys in the class"...well, all that he was trying to say i guess is we would watch men in the batch while they tried their luck at singing/dancing/or whatever it is that they were going to perform...sigghhhh....
Thanks for the inputs from the workplace, Aishwarya.
It is the vast number of such morons that has given India the dubious distinction of the third largest English-speaking country in the world. Does make one sigh, doesn't it?
This was flashed today among the headlines in a popular T.V news channel - "Rooney's spectacular bicycle helps Manchester United beat City 2-1."
This may not be completely relevant here but I couldn't repress the urge to share it.
Sayan Datta
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