A friend sent me the following bits of humour generated by the ongoing recession. It is good to see that some people can still laugh over what is putting creases on so many foreheads. If I am unwittingly infringing on someone’s copyright, do tell me and I’ll take this post off the air:
Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and thirty thieves. Ten were laid off!
Ali Baba and the forty thieves are now Ali Baba and thirty thieves. Ten were laid off!
Batman and Robin are now Batman and Pedro. Batman fired Robin and hired Pedro because Pedro was willing to work twice the hours at the same rate!
Iron man is now "air-pooling" with Superman to save fuel costs!
A director decided to award a prize of Rs.1000 for the best idea for saving the company money during the recession. It was won by a young executive who suggested reducing the prize money to Rs. 100.
Women are finally marrying for love....and not money!
The only "deposits" being made on a Ferrari are the ones made by birds flying over them.
Q: With the current market turmoil, what's the easiest way to make a small fortune? A: Start off with a large one.
Q: What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: Why have Dubai real estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?A: Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
Q: What's the difference between an American and a Zimbabwean dollar?A: In a few weeks... nothing.
Q: What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader?A. A bond matures.
Q: Did you hear Goldman Sachs has a new cafeteria?A. It is called the Warren buffet.
The broker told him that he has been sleeping like a baby. "Really?' replied the customer. "Absolutely," said the broker,"I sleep for about an hour, wake up, and then cry for about an hour."
Recession Bumper Sticker: The recession is worse than a divorce. You lose half your fortune and still have your wife.
The Difference between Communism & Capitalism: In communism we nationalise the banks and then push them to bankruptcy. In capitalism we push the banks to bankruptcy and then nationalise them.
A priest, a rabbi, and a mortgage broker were all caught in a shipwreck. Sharks are soon circling around. The sharks eat the priest. The rabbi starts praying fervently, but to no avail, as the sharks eat him as well. The mortgage broker is really getting worried, as a shark is coming for him. But, instead, the shark puts him on its back, carries him to shore, and lets him off. The mortgage broker asks, "How come you didn't eat me too ?" And the shark replies, "Professional Courtesy!"
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12 comments:
My favourite ones are the following:
The reaction of President Bush to the news of the demise of Lehman Brothers: My thought at this moment go out to their mother: losing one son is hard; imagine losing two!
The problem with the balance-sheet of an investment bank today is that on the left side, there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
How do you define an optimistic banker? One who irons five shirts on a Sunday.
The economy is stable. Consider this: forty years ago, I sold fifty shares and bought a 1969 model car; yesterday I sold fifty shares of the same company and the money would fetch a 1969 model car.
Dear Sir,
Of the numerous recession related 'forwards' that I receive almost every day, this one was pretty striking.
**This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?" Some people thought this was the BEST idea. He nailed it!
Dear Mr. President,
Patriotic retirement:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.
All this, and it's still cheaper than the "bailout". **
Warm regards,
Sunup Varghese Kurien
So few responses?... is it because most of those jokes went clean over the heads of most of my readers?
Hello Suvro-da,
the jokes were really well placed and apt. I enjoyed them all.
debasish.
Had my share of laughter thanks to both your post and wannabewodehouse's rejoinder. The one about sleeping like a baby was superb. I still can't stop grinning about that! I suppose, at the same time, that not being affected too badly by the recession allows me to guffaw this heartily.
On a slightly serious note, it stills evades me how the recession hit us in the first place. I've done a good deal of reading on the net, and simple economic logic seems to dictate that the banks should have stopped giving out loans for real estate development as soon as the demand had soared so astronomically high. How the best of economists could show a dearth of such elementary common sense is what beats me (or maybe, it doesn't).
is there a catch here?It is August. In a small town on the South Coast of France, holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening. Everyone is heavily in debt.
Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for a room and puts a Euro100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third
floor.
The hotel owner takes the banknote in hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes E100.
The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt.
The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay E100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.
The farmer triumphantly gives the E100 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit.
The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she owed the hotel for her hourly room use to entertain clients.
At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his E100 back and departs.
There was no profit or income. But everyone no longer has any debt and the small town people look optimistically towards their future.
COULD THIS BE THE SOLUTION TO THE Global Financial Crisis? Or, is there a catch here?
The catch, I think, should be obvious, but I shall wait for one of my readers to point it out!
The situation, as illustrated here, may be simplified in terms of a three person society where A owes B Rs X, B similarly owes C Rs X, while C also owes A , Rs X, forming a closed, self-feeding loop. Think about D, the Russian as the banker who by default, lends A an amount of Rs X and helps him liquidate his loan to B and in a cyclical, causative effect, triggers a process by which other members of the society are ridden of their respective debts.Rs X that A recovers from C is eventually redeemed by the banker D and the society is now turned into a 'debt-less' one, self-fulfilling and closely bounded with no generation of income!
The model, based on certain simple premises, however, militates against the ground play, operating in the real world.
For one, the world does not replicate a closely functional loop where a person owes a debt which just equals the credit he has advanced to another person. In other words, the net indebtedness of each of the persons in the example is Zero which is a severely limited premise.
The real world is often characterized by agents/ loaners /bankers advancing huge credits to people against securities which eventually turn into bad debts. On the other end of the divide is the vast army of debtors, disorganised and variously dispersed, tottering under projects of vanishing returns and ‘bubble-busted’ shares, cowering under neck-deep debts. Just think about the scenario where A, B or C does not owe an identical sum which he has credited to the other, or that they are spatially dispersed and do not even know each other and function through intermediaries. In such a scenario, the self-perpetuatory action of debt repayment slips , the circuit breaks and the debt trap lies infinitely complicated.
Also, it’s too much to expect that whenever a person gets a sum of money, he immediately rushes to redeem his loan. Particularly, during the time of economic down turn, he would always like to hold on to it as a hedge fund against unforeseen contingencies. At worst, fuelled by a never-ending greed, he would like to advance it (received at zero interest) to other gullible clients (provided he manages to scour any) to make a fast buck at fantastic rates, and thereby eventually entraps himself, and by simple extension of logic, other members of the society too, in a gridlock of further debts !
I would like to be guided further by Suvro’s sagacious leads in this regard ! Lead kindly light, my friend!
Eh, is the catch here that the debtors and creditors complete a circle in this case?
If this is the wrong answer, no need to publish it.
Kaushik came up with some good explanations on the fallacy.. though we think there's a simpler 'accountant point of view'.. probably in terms of looking at the hotel owners book and balance sheet at the end of the day.
Kaushik's other analysis and take on the reasons of the meltdown are spot on..
comment on this observation he made here-
"Also, it’s too much to expect that whenever a person gets a sum of money, he immediately rushes to redeem his loan."
if nothing else, take care of the prostitution services bills on time I would guess ...
an audit, specially if it originates at home, would be very painful..
Thanks, for the kind words.
Absolutely, Subhasis, unless of course, I have a clue to a few skeletons that the dear one heading the Home Audit Team, conveniently hides in her cupboard and I've the guts to blackmail her on the few receivables I must be owing her on that count too! It's a lean time friend, and pressures of competitive secrecy should serve us ideally well!!
There is no real money. Nobody has any real money - not even the banks. That's the problem.
Shilpi
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