Here are a few rib-ticklers that an old boy, Archishman Sarkar, recently sent me.
"Don't I look good in tails?"
"Why not? Your ancestors did."
"You're a liar," said Muscles.
"Yeah?" grumbled the thin man. "Say that again and I'll bust your jaw."
"Consider it said."
"Consider your jaw busted."
"What sort of woman is your wife?"
"She's an angel, that's what she is."
"You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
Two old girl friends met on the street after not seeing each other for several years.
"Belle, my darling," shrieked one. "It's so good to see you. Tell me dear, do you and your husband have those terrible arguments anymore?"
"No", said Belle.
"What made you stop?"
"He died," said Belle.
Patient at a lunatic asylum: "We like you better than the last doctor."
New Doctor (flattered): "And how's that?"
Patient: "You seem more like one of us".
"But doctor," said the worried patient, "are you sure I'll pull through? I've heard cases where the doctor has made a wrong diagnosis, and treated someone for pneumonia who has afterwards died of typhoid fever."
"Nonsense," spluttered the doctor, "When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia."
Absentminded professor (leaving church): Who's the absent-minded one now? You left your umbrella back there and I not only remembered mine but brought along yours, too!"
Wife (gazing blankly at him): But neither of us brought one to the church!
Thanks, Archishman.
"Don't I look good in tails?"
"Why not? Your ancestors did."
"You're a liar," said Muscles.
"Yeah?" grumbled the thin man. "Say that again and I'll bust your jaw."
"Consider it said."
"Consider your jaw busted."
"What sort of woman is your wife?"
"She's an angel, that's what she is."
"You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
Two old girl friends met on the street after not seeing each other for several years.
"Belle, my darling," shrieked one. "It's so good to see you. Tell me dear, do you and your husband have those terrible arguments anymore?"
"No", said Belle.
"What made you stop?"
"He died," said Belle.
Patient at a lunatic asylum: "We like you better than the last doctor."
New Doctor (flattered): "And how's that?"
Patient: "You seem more like one of us".
"But doctor," said the worried patient, "are you sure I'll pull through? I've heard cases where the doctor has made a wrong diagnosis, and treated someone for pneumonia who has afterwards died of typhoid fever."
"Nonsense," spluttered the doctor, "When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia."
Absentminded professor (leaving church): Who's the absent-minded one now? You left your umbrella back there and I not only remembered mine but brought along yours, too!"
Wife (gazing blankly at him): But neither of us brought one to the church!
Thanks, Archishman.
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1 comment:
Ha-ha. These are good. The last one and the one about the psychiatrist are ones I won't forget. Thanks to both Archishman and you.
Here are a couple:
A woman goes into to see the psychiatrist about her low self-esteem. She is unhealthy, pale, and obese. The doc listens to her tearful story and says, "Hmm, yes, could you please lie on the floor near that window, over there?" "Now over next to the door, please." "Now right next to the bookshelves." The woman waddles from one place to the next, dutifully doing as she is bidden. "Thank you," says the psychiatrist.
He then occupies himself with writing. The patient, exasperated, interrupts him and asks him whether he has any advice. "No." He snaps. "Go see your internist about your poor health or else drop the extra 100 pounds you're carrying."
"Then what was all that stuff you had me do, lying on the floor?"
"Oh, I'm having a new white sofa delivered next week and was wondering where to put it."
***********
A man finds a lamp and rubs it and out pops a genie. The genie says that he will grant the man one wish. The man thinks for a minute and says, "You know, I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm afraid of flying. So my wish is that you build a road to Hawaii." The genie thought about that and said to the man, "I don't think I can grant this wish. All the asphalt and supplies to make the roads, tunnels, and bridges. Not to mention the amount of time and work it would take. That's just too much work. So, no, make another wish." The man thought for a moment and said, "Well, something else I would really like is to know what goes on inside a woman's head. I want to understand women. You know, what makes them laugh, what makes them cry, why they get mad, why they are happy. Just overall, what makes them tick." The genie looked at the man and said, "Two lanes or four?"
****************
Course both of them are most likely terribly improper...
Take care.
Shilpi
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