Saturday, April 3, 2010

Techie talk

A young man who has been seeing the ins and outs of the IT industry in India with wide-open eyes has sent me the following list of definitions. I don’t think I need to add any comments. Enjoy. And I hope this will be read by a lot of teenagers (and their mothers) who still think becoming an IT techie is the next best thing to winning a Nobel Prize…

Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Business Analyst is the one who convinces clients why they don't need a baby.

Account Manager is the one who thinks that it is more important to know why the baby is not there than to have a baby.

Delivery Manager is one who ensures a baby irrespective of whether it is donkey's, monkey's or human baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks if nine women can deliver nine babies in nine months, one woman can deliver one baby in one month.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always says that this is not the right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that...

a donkey can deliver a human baby - if given 9 months !!!

9 comments:

Rajdeep said...

This is hilarious and at the same time very sad because it speaks the dire truth about our "world cattle class" technology. Our politicians and technocrats boast boast and boast to high heavens yet you will never find a single Indian product that has taken the world by storm. Handiccrafts etc. the only things that sell in developed countries as emblems of Indian culture are grossly neglected here. Actually we deal in world crass rather than class. And though we are the number one film industry in turms of volume, and all the stories are basically love stories, not a single one of them has moved the entire world.

Unknown said...

Dear sir,
i would like to thank you for sharing this article with your readers. Great humor and fun filled stuff! But on a serious note, this clearly exposes the lie – behind the song and dance majority of us like to make about our ‘great’ and ‘shining’ IT sector, we all know deep within the western companies outsource all their back-end jobs to us as there is abundance of cheap labor available here. This translates in to huge profits for those companies. Amidst all the hoopla, one just needs to reflect and he will find out - India which portrays herself as a champion in information technology does not yet have a Google or company like Apple or a Facebook. All the major technological development happens either in the US or in EU. Our companies have become sort of service centres for those global companies. But our Indian IT companies have got good human talent and potential. Some of the best minds from the top campuses of our country work there. It is sad our governments cannot channelize them in the right direction for our country’s progress and development. If these western companies stop outsourcing, our so-called ‘Silicon Valley’ will vanish with the blink of an eye. So, serious introspection is needed when we call ourselves leaders in information technology.

Regards,
Avishek

Suvro Chatterjee said...

That's one thing N. R. Narayana Murty knows very well too - and he should know! - so he has been harping on the need for 'value addition' in the IT sector, for he is afraid that if we remain stuck at the currently-very-low level of work done, countries which offer harder workers willing to work for lower pay (such as Malaysia or China) will soon take away most of the business from us.

Chanchal said...

Recently came over a T-shirt quote:

"I don't have an MBA, I need my brains."

Isn't that contextual with this post?

Manoshij Banerjee

Suvro Chatterjee said...

Spot on, Manoshij!

Chanchal said...

On a little digressed note, I don't blame the mothers' about whom has been mentioned in this post, taking into account the 2009 Nobel Peace prize winner!

Manoshij

Suvro Chatterjee said...

Quite right! Maybe I shouldn't mention Nobel Prizes any more. Jean Paul Sartre refused it a long time ago anyway, calling it 'a sack of potatoes'! I often wonder aloud whether there are indeed any standards left in this world, except for strictly personal ones.

Vaishnavi said...

Good one Sir, I have joined the IT bandwagon too and there are days when I wonder if I have done right thing, this is one of them. I am almost scared I won't like my job....but..well, I shouldn't complain Sir, this is less stressful and provides me with some time that I really need! By the way Sir, I am testing :-D

Archishman Sarkar said...

Dear Sir,

I seriously Disagree with your view on Indian Moms, Nobel Prize and IT Techie and that IT Techie is the "next" best thing after Nobel Prize.. They believe IT Techies are GOD!

Indian Moms, if given the choice between A Nobel Prize and a job in TCS, seventy two percent of them will choose TCS! This is not a joke.

I took this poll among my 25 "GREAT" Neighbors. Eight of them did not know what the !@#$%^$ "Nobel Prize" is! Three refused to comment. And out of the rest fourteen, seven of them took TCS because they will pay salary through out before retiring whereas Nobel Prize is only a one time payment plan! ( Plus if someone shares the prize with you, then the value dwindles more!)

WOW!!

Regards,
Archishman