Agony uncle

I quote from the regular pullout section titled aami in Bartaman newspaper, Saturday 25^th September 2010 edition, p.2. It is the veteran journalist-turned personal counsellor Ranjan Bandopadhyay giving advice to a young married woman.

The lady writes (and I translate): My husband is a glutton. When I went around with him in the days before our marriage, he came across as smart and stylish, and a good conversationalist too. Within a few months of marriage, I discovered that the real person is very different. He has rustic habits of eating and sleeping. He snores, and eats like anything. He is not even clean in his person. Sad to say, my mother-in-law supports him in all his bad habits. Believe it or not, such a crude man still manages to earn a large pay-packet. That’s all he understands, in fact: money. But money alone cannot make for happiness, can it? How can I adjust with a man like that all my life?

The counsellor replies: Had you lived together before marriage, you would have at least found out in time that he snores in his sleep. I think you are rather foolish. That same uncouth person seemed smart, stylish and good to talk to before marriage? And now he has turned out to be dirty, unmannerly and crude? Your mind and eye are both given to illusion: what looks like a butterfly to you from afar becomes a bat when it comes close. Anyway, your husband has one positive quality at least – he makes good money. I don’t think there’s a dearth of love (prem) in this world; money can buy it for you. Use your husband’s money cleverly; your way is clear. You might soon emerge as a high-flying socialite. Poets, philosophers and artists will queue up at your door as friends, lovers and sycophants to drive away your loneliness.’

'I'm good'?

As is my wont, I have been wondering about which way the English language is going. Just about every moron thinks 'anyways' is a vast improvement on 'anyway', and the moment they go to college they are taught that in order to sound cool and with it you have to write 'I'll revert to you' instead of 'I'll reply to you', or even 'I'll get back to you' (if only they knew what a dictionary was, and could summon up the energy to check what 'revert' really means!). And that it's OK and cool to sign off with just 'Best' (best what? Will their fingers drop off if they write 'With best wishes'? ... mine haven't yet). 

Recently I felt like throwing up when someone said in an email 'I hope you're doing good'. For the love of God, doing good is supposed to mean doing something of some use to others, as in giving alms; if I am feeling fine, I ought to say 'I'm fine/doing well' or 'I'm alright' or 'I'm okay', even, and only an arrogant boor will declare to the world 'I'm good'!

'aajkaal competition-er joog'...

I keep hearing parents and children mourning/gushing about all the 'competition' around us these days, in every sphere of life. I guess they are right: except in the sphere of serious learning, there seems to be competition everywhere - to shop more, to flaunt more, to shout more, to abuse more, to pollute more, and what have you. On a TV channel called Sangeet Bangla today, they have just announced a competition about who can narrate the best story about prem kora (having a love affair, but the flavour of the Bangla cannot be quite captured in English) this pujo season. God bless them all!

Atithi devo bhavo!

I am thrilled to bits by the latest public interest advertisement by Aamir Khan on TV, where he reminds us that though we are exulting over how quickly we are becoming a major player as a nation on the world's stage, we had better change some of our not-so-edifying habits fast if we want to improve our global image, culturally speaking: habits like spitting right and left in public, littering everywhere, and training our little boys to do their soo-soo just about wherever their mummies please. A short while ago, Aamir was exhorting us not to be rude to foreign tourists, or try compulsively to cheat them at every turn. Tellingly, these ads underscore the fact that most certainly it is not just poor and illiterate Indians who indulge in such uncouth and unsocial behaviour. 

Kudos to Aamir. I hope many more people will listen to him than to me. I hate to live with the knowledge that I live in a country with some of the worst public manners in the world, despite pretending that most of us are bhadralok...

New age teachers

In our day, teachers used to tell us to study hard all through the term, so that we could ease up on the day before the examinations were due to begin: that, they said, was the key to doing well. Not that all of us (or even most of us) listened, but that is how we were advised.

Times have changed, and so have teachers, except, I suppose, for a few stick-in-the-muds like me. Recently the Principal of a leading school advised the school assembly to start studying as 'the exams were approaching'. The said exams were supposed to begin the next day.