I was given the following article years ago, but it is, I think, still completely relevant, and some of it is wickedly funny. Some of my readers are sure to have read it already, but I’d like others to laugh over it too. I am sorry that I haven’t been able to trace the author.
IF MICROSOFT MADE CARS
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At COMDEX recently, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry
with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology
like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got
1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five
percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning
light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how
to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the
same manner as the old car.
10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you'd have to press the "Start"
button to turn the engine off!
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5 comments:
Oh, this is wonderful, and I hadn't read it before. I read it out to someone who was grumpy and distracted, and the Grump laughed through the whole list as well.
The "are you sure" in relation to the airbags and the "for some reason you would simply accept this" are priceless.
Hahaha.
Many thanks for putting this up, Suvro da.
But I won't stop pestering you - you'll have to put up some of your own whimsical writings on this blog.
Take care.
Shilpi
Dear Sir,
I don't know where you found this article but as you have mentioned, it is really wickedly funny. The best one for me was:
'7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.'
Thanks for this article.
Sincerely
Nishant Kamath.
Dear Sir,
Every single person who reads this blogpost will agree that this post is really amusing. Some phrases can make you laugh till you are blue in the face...
Some of my friends don't have net connection and so I got this particular post printed and gave my friends to read... Some laughed till their stomach were cramped while some had tears in their eyes for laughing so much...!
Though I must say I was disappointed to see only 2 comments as I had thought that there would be more comments from the fellow readers...
Thanks a lot Sir!
Anwesha.
You are right, Anwesha, it disappoints me too. We may conclude that a) most of them have read it before and found it boring, b) most readers, even if they enjoyed it, couldn't be bothered to say thanks.
Which do you think is likelier?
Dear Sir,
I was going through some of the old posts in this blog and enjoying them thoroughly. I would like to share the following article (although you might have read it before)-
In the days when you couldn't count on a public toilet facility, an Englishwoman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for "Water Closet". She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring the facilities about the WC. The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he
knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house... a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster, with the help of the priest, got together the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is Located 9 miles from the house.It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is,however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were ten people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife,sadly, has been ill and unable
to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last,which
pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the
last minute and arrive just in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent
and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest
addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are
holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is
long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster.
Sir, many thanks for putting up all these humorous posts and especially this one about the fitting reply of General Motors to Microsoft.
With regards,
Saikat.
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